It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
