Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
