i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
