ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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