So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
