home. puking in laundry basket.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
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im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
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Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
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