when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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