I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
