If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
