why didn't you poke me back
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
