Small penises have feelings too.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
