so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
