Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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