all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
