someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
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I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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