You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
