so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
