Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
