Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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