so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
