dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
