I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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