the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
