Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
