Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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