hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
