So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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