I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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