enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize