It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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