Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
So many bounce houses so little time
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
