She is in my trunk
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
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