I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
