i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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