My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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