You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
