I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
