Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
