Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I just gargled with NyQuil
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
