I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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