So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Randomize
