Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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