Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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