You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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