I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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