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Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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