the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
