I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Randomize
