I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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