I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
