dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
