i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
