is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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