My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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