So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
