I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
