Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
