You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
