Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
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