So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.