I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird