Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
