she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
