Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Randomize
