I cut my penus on the lid.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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