Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
