I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
