Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
