have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
