I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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