either way he was missing a nipple.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
