my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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