you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
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