I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
